Hurt
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: Spoilerish Veronica comes to a conclusion where her feelings for Logan are concerned, but is not able to deal with the consquences of her choice.


-1A/N For my favorite cousin who refuses to give up on Logan and Veronica. Long Live LoVe.

Some people were just not meant to be together. No amount of love or wanting would change that cold, hard fact. Veronica had come to that conclusion about the time she had learned about Logan's little rendezvous with Madison. Madison! If he had to hook up with someone he could have at least chosen someone less…skanky. If she was truly honest with herself, Madison wasn't the issue. The issue was Logan with anyone else.

Oh, she pretended that she had gotten past it all and could be his friend. She had partially given her blessing for him to get his freak on with Parker. It was just a façade, a way of protecting herself, more from herself than Logan. She had no illusion were he was concerned. Those blinders had hit the trash after their first go round back in high school. It was herself she didn't trust. Even knowing how he was, she would make excuses for it, excuses as to why she stayed. She couldn't do it. She couldn't make excuses, to much was at stake. Namely her heart and sanity.

Veronica wrinkles her nose in disgust. "You're becoming one of those pathetic women who sit around mooning over guys they shouldn't. You need to get a grip on yourself," she mutters, focusing her gaze back down on the case file spread out before her. Liesel Summers wasn't getting her money's worth, though, as her mind wandered right back to Logan. Slamming the file shut, she jumps off her bed. "For crying out loud! It was time. It had to be done!"

_The Hearst Alumni party had only one good thing going for it, an open bar. Two if a person wanted to count the hunky bartender who knew how to really shake a martini. She was feeling generous, as those martinis were what were saving her sanity. How she had let herself get talked into this, she would never know. God, wouldn't Wallace and Piz have a real laugh if they could her. Sleek chignon on the back of her neck, Audrey Hepburn style black dress and heels that actually brought her to a normal height. Yeah. They would have a real laugh. _

"_Veronica?" _

_A shiver slides down her spine as she hears him say her name. Him being Logan. Her body stiffens up. A quick glance around tells her that Parker is not with him. Just her luck. She plasters a smile on her face and turns to face him. "That is my name. At least that is what they've told me all these years." _

_Damn him, he grinned. Her heart twists a bit. More than a bit. Logan had a way of twisting her heart into knots until it broke. It seemed as though Logan and heartbreak were synonymous. "So, you could be a Heather?"_

"_Yes. I could be. Don't expect me to start going by that though. I have grown rather use to Veronica." There was no point to the rather obnoxious banter they were engaged in. She frowns a bit. "Why are you here?" The question came out a bit harsher than she intended. _

_He shrugs. "No reason. You?"_

"_Case. And you have to have a reason. You always have a reason." There it was again. That harsh tone. He always brought that out in her. "Look, it doesn't matter. I don't have time for this.." she waves her hand around a bit, the jerky movements in sync with her agitated mood. "So, if you don't mind." _

"_What if I do mind?" Logan says quietly. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his black slacks. _

"_Logan, we've been through this. You and I…we don't work," she said softly, her eyes full of sorrow. They never worked. Oh, for a while things would be okay, then they fall back into the pattern of hurting one another. She touches a hand to his cheek. His skin was so warm, the innocent contact made her had tingle. She jerks her hand away. "We're over Logan. We have to be."_

"_We've been over for a while," Logan reminded her. There was a bitterness to his voice that twisted her heart even more. _

"_Really over. I can't be your friend anymore." It was a shock to hear the word leave her mouth. An even bigger shock that she walked away, leaving him calling her name and wanting more of an explanation. She couldn't give him one. Not one that he would understand. _

"Stop it!" She ordered herself. Falling backwards on her bed, she curses as a tell tale wetness starts to streak down her cheeks. Cutting Logan out of her life was the best choice. It was the right one. Wasn't it? Oh hell. Now she wasn't sure. A sob catches in her throat as someone knocks on her door. She ignores it. They could go away, leave her to wallow in self pity. The knock is firmer this time. She scowls. "Go away," she snaps. Could they not take a hint? She didn't want company. She wanted to be alone. To mourn the throwing away of the only man she had ever loved. She frowns. "Bit dramatic, don't think Mars?" Okay, maybe not the only man, but most certainly the man she loved completely, the man she couldn't let go of, but had. Damn it. Again, there is another knock on her door. More like a pounding, as the pictures on her wall nearest the door rattle. A scowl in place, she storms over to the door. "Do you not understand what Go Away means?" Her eyes widen as she yanks the door open to find Logan standing there. He looked like hell. His hair was flat on one side, standing straight out on the other. His clothing was wrinkly, and she was almost certain it was the same white shirt and black slacks he had worn to the reunion, minus the tie. "Logan.." she whispers. Sniffling a bit, she raises a hand to wipe at the tears on her cheeks. "You shouldn't be here."

"I can't think of anywhere else, I would rather be," he says, his voice tight. "Look at me! My hair is all," he flicks the tuffs sticking out with his finger tips. "I need a shower and clean clothes, but I don't really care. I missed all my classes. Two of which had finals. Don't care about that either. All I can think about is you don't want me. I love you, damn it! I have tried to stop. Hell, I wish I could stop. Mostly because all we do is hurt, and I'm tired of hurt. Tired of hurting you, tired of being hurt. Just…tired of hurt. Last night, I was relieved when you said we couldn't even be friends anymore. It meant I didn't have to hurt every time we talked. Except, after a while, the hurt got worse. Thinking about never seeing you again, never talking to you again…that hurt far worse. So, no. You can't just…stop being my friend. I need you to at least be my friend, Veronica. At least that." There was a pleading in his voice, one that tore what was left of her broken heart into shreds. Her lips start to tremble. "Please," he begs. "Please just…at least be my friend."

She shakes her head. "I can't! Don't you get it. I can't be your friend!" The tears start pouring again. Damn it. She hated being weak were he was concerned. The tears pour harder as he reaches out to wipe at them with the pad of his thumb. His forehead presses against her's as she sobs. She twines her fingers into the front of his shirt, pressing closer to him. Finally, the sobs subside. Taking a shuddering breath, she looks up at him. "I can't be your friend because I love you. I love you so much more than…." His mouth covers her before she can finish. She feels his fingers thread into her hair. The kiss was the turning point. The point were she knew, there was always going to be hurt, there was no stopping that, but together, the hurt wasn't as unbearable. It was better to hurt with him there to hold her, than to hurt alone. It was better to love…


End file.
